Start by tricking yourself
How to look like a winner? How to enter a room looking like you own it? Self-confidence is key to winning business, influencing people, and making friends. It can open doors to many things.
Some people are naturally more confident, but even they will have off days. But you don’t have to be confident or have it naturally on you. Confidence is something that you can create yourself, even if you don’t feel it.
Someone once told me my confidence was the first thing he noticed when I came for a job interview, and that it was attractive. I tried not to gasp in surprise because that wasn’t really true. I had never seen myself as a confident person. As a teenager, I battled my shyness as fiercely as I could. Self-confidence was definitely low and I still struggle with it. After all, nobody feels 100% confident all the time. But I learned something that can change all of that: it’s a lot about technique. I have been in some situations where I was extremely nervous on the inside but used specific techniques to help me show a very different picture on the outside. The moment you start applying some of them, it becomes easy, and even a fun experiment. So it doesn’t really matter how you’re feeling inside. The important thing is what you show.
Studies show that are many ways you can exude confidence, in a manner that will actually make you feel confident for real. “Fake it ‘til you make it” works, and in this case, it’s not less true. Let’s see some of the basics, but powerful stuff:
1. Trick yourself
Your brain is the most complex organ in your body, the source of all your smarts, but you can deceive it! For example, if you smile in front of a mirror, doesn’t matter if your heart feels sad, your brain will see it as if you’re happy and your mood will improve. So start with that. You can trick yourself into believing you’re confident. How do you do this? Focus on the positive, instead of your weakness and past failures. Visualize a positive outcome for your next challenge and imagine yourself crushing it. The more you do this, the more natural your confidence will be. And as you see the positive outcomes — you did give a great presentation, you did get the raise, you did conquer your fear — naturally, next time will be easier. You are already more confident.
2. Make eye contact
Eye contact is very important in any interaction. Of course, you won’t be staring uncomfortably at the other person 100% of the time, but you communicate a lot with your eyes. Making eye contact shows that you’re paying attention, making connections, and being friendly. If looking directly at someone’s eyes makes you uncomfortable, look between their eyes.
3. Smile
This is so simple, and yet some people forget to use it. A smile is the easiest door opener for any situation. Saying all the right words but with the wrong tone of voice and facial expression will not give the good impression you’re trying to give. Happiness is attractive. If you smile, your mood will improve and you’ll show confidence when interacting with other people. This works from a simple “Hello” on the phone to a presentation in a packed room. Smile even when you have to force it. Remember the first tip — you can trick your brain.
4. Use the magic of body language
Your body will speak about you before you have a chance to open your mouth. Use it wisely. There are a few things you can do to show self-confidence. For example: stand tall and held your head high. Watch your posture. Curved shoulders don’t pass a good image. Don’t be afraid of occupying space. So instead of crossing your legs under the chair, hiding your hands in the pockets, or folding your arms, show them. Use some “power poses” when sitting or standing. Make yourself look bigger. Don’t fidget, or show nervousness. When moving, move deliberately. People will perceive you as someone who knows what they are talking about!
5. Use your hands
Let them see your hands. Your hands speak a lot for you, more than you may realize. It can start with your handshake — which should be firm, but not too tight. A good handshake will show confidence. You should also gesticulate as you speak. A speaker that doesn’t use their hands will seem timid and boring. Don’t overdo it, though. You don’t want your hands all over. Good use of your hands will help you transmit your message more clearly and make you appear more confident as well. Showing your hands will also indicate that you’re not hiding any nervousness. You can also use some light touch, to appear more friendly.
6. Watch your speech
When talking, talk slowly and clearly. Take your time before speaking the next sentence. Think about what you’re saying, and don’t be in such a rush. If you speak too fast you risk losing your train of thought and saying things that you didn’t plan. Don’t be afraid of silence. Instead, embrace it, and avoid filling the gaps with “hmm”, “like”, “ah,” etc. Silence can be a powerful tool to pass the message as well. And when you want to appear confident, showing you’re comfortable with silence will speak volumes.
